Are we boring clubbers?

A not so long ago Easter weekend in Brighton and the Zap club featured a night called the “Sunday playroom”. The evening boasted itself on having bouncy castles, space hoppers and swings. Now maybe I’ve missed the plot but why the fuck would you want space hoppers in a club, especially the Zap? Personally I can’t comprehend why anyone would want to go to a night not for the music but for the attraction of using playground facilities. How fucking old are you? Would it not be cheaper for you, more fun, to do acid in a park?

The nights Fusion tends to associate with have a much different clientele, possibly more down to earth? A venue can try and get attraction by throwing as many quirky gimmicks in the air but then again who really gives a fuck? Do you? Are some clubs simply missing the point or am I so far away from current culture that I should retire my “outage” hat and stay in playing charades. Even if you say yes, fuck you, the points are being missed.

So what does one really want from a club? Personally, and I hope im not alone here, all I want is a blank floor, a DJ Booth and some special talent with a cracking record collection. Some of the most enjoyable clubbing experience I’ve had have been in skanky dirty environments with no pretentious kitsch shits like bouncy castles. Shouldn’t a nice venue just be the cherry on the cake? Why do people with no class suddenly think they achieve it by attending nights in cleaner yet hopeless venues? Look at the marketing for Brighton’s KooKlub for example: “A Klassy night out” – K on classy! Where are they leading with this? A venue with a clear established audience in mind – class certainly does not even come in to it. Marketing goes a long way and making a whole room of untalented bibles dance while thinking they are socialites is a great achievement. Well done.

So while other people bounce about and drink cheap VD’s or whatever they are, we stand in clubs and bod along to music we appreciate. Is there such a divide?

Going back to the Zap as an example, this is a venue which has resorted to putting on “chopper tunes” in desperate hope to get customers from a few years gone back. That’s original. Let’s make loads more themed nights with no direction and cheap drinks.

Any developers thinking of making a new club in Brighton why not call it “room” and just fill it with the best hardware and talent around. Do we need anything more.

Get with the times guys.

It is the 90s after all.

Words: Marek the Czech